total displacement!

Everything, and I do mean everything, seems all out of place. For the first time in a while I'm doing all online classes, which to a mom, means absolutely NO personal study time.  Ryan is a full time student and has a full time job so glimpses of him are even rare.  I've just been through one of the hardest loses ever.  When my aunt died, I lost someone that I talked about everything with.  (sometimes not by my choice. haha) So now I feel like on top of everything feeling out of place, something that always has been is gone. 

Fast forward....of all things what's next?  My work catches ON FIRE! Badly.  They are saying that it could be months before we are back in.  Of course, why not???  We are all making the best that we can out of all situations, but for now we are all displaced.  We don't know when we will see each other or when we will be where or what's going to happen with the clinic. 

For the most part, Ryan and I hand selected MOST of the above changes. When he got accepted into nursing school we knew that it would limit time between us.  That in order for our kids to have some sense of what the word "HOME" meant we would have to sacrifice time with each other.  We kept saying it's only 27 months.  We can do this.  Then in an effort to save money we decided for me to do as much as I can of school on-line.  I strongly hate on-line classes but I so desperately want to get out of debt this year so why not?  However, what I wasn't fully processing was how hard it would be to get some quality study time in.  WOW! That's all I can say. 

Now work, which was a great constant for me, is not that.  I liked the girls that I was on shift with.  I knew who would be there when I was there and I know the kind of people that they are.  Not so much anymore.  I will be at whatever clinic I can with whomever is supposed to be there.  It's just all crazy to me.  For the most part that's the extent of the "friend" time that I have right now.  I don't have time to go anywhere or do anything with hardly anyone.  So when will I see my friends again.  Our days are messed up and I know some of us are going to different clinics.  No one knows how long this will last. 

I'm just ready for life to slow down.  After Ann passed away and we were cleaning things out it made me realize how much stuff we have.  Here's my plan... my goal is to get rid of 50% of the volume of our house.  While this may not be fully achievable, I won't settle  for less than 30%.  I'm going to rent the smallest storage building available and as I pack boxes of stuff to get rid of they will be moved over there.  For two reasons 1) to get it out of the way 2) so that we can't get things we "need" back out of it.  I have given myself until the end of April to do this.  Hard? YES! Possible? Absolutely!!!!  I'm so excited!!! We can get the "stuff" out and take advantage of every moment possible!  The start of summer is going to be a garage sale and the profits will yield some sort of family something.  Haven't decided for sure yet, but I can promise this...it won't be shopping and it will be something that we can all do together. 
In the chaos of everything, I feel like I just want my family time back!  Here's to a better us and knowing that all of my "temporary total displacement" is just that....temporary!

Mom Down! Mom Down!

UUUGGGHHHHH! I don't sick very often, but when I do...I DO!!!  I have the flu, strep throat, and an ear infection.  Why not? Today I wanted to give up.  Working 3 days with the flu has finally caught up to me on top of not sleeping last night is doing me in.  I am tired, cranky, and miserable.  I was short, rude and abrupt.  Now that the night has calmed down I feel bad but there is not a way to apolagize to everyone.  I was mean to half of the staff at the Dr.  (I absolutely do feel bad because I work at a Dr. and know how that goes.) However, I find it insanely stupid that when my appointment was at 3 it was after 4 before they even called me back.  I expect that at a walk in clinic, but for crying out loud I made an appointment. Then Rylee did not want to obey.  Nothing big, just small things, but those add up when you don't feel good.  Poor thing, I wasn't very patient.  Bed time couldn't come soon enough. Apologies will be issued tomorrow.  As much as I want to lay around and do nothing I can't.  I must go from sick to mommy when I wake up in the mornig. Tomorrow is Hannah Banana's Birthday and it WILL be great!

The Bitter-Sweet Party

***disclaimer!!! you are about to be bombarded with pictures!***

Where has the time gone?! My baby is growing up so so fast.  When Rylee turned one I was in shock.  This time it's taking a toll on my emotions. I'm not sure if it's life's most recent circumstances or the uncertainty of if there will be more children, but never the less, I'M SAD!

As I look back at what the last year and 9 months has thrown our way, I'm amazed at what all God had to bring us through to get us to this point.  A year ago I was sick and tired (literally) and I just wanted to meet my baby.  I knew that every day she was inside of me was better for her, but every day that she was in me took a toll on my body. For the first time EVER I am going to put my pregnancy in writing. (don't worry I'll paraphrase!) =)

When we decided that we were ready for another child,. it wasn't like most couples.  It took phone calls. Lots of them.  First, was the insurance company to make sure that our fertility benefits hadn't changed.  Knowing that they were still in place, I called Dr. Lisa to tell her that I was ready.  That was followed by a letter and a call from Dr. Lisa to Dr. Reshef.  Then there was the one to Dr. Reshef to schedule.  Following that were the 3 start up appointments and ultrasounds.  Much to our surprise AND HIS we ended up pregnant the first month.  (It took 21 with Rylee) We were on cloud nine!

We were trying to hold out as long as possible to tell our parents, but with my sickness increasing it was getting HARD! Then the inevitable, at 6.5 weeks my body started trying to lose her.  Our poor parents found out in the turmoil that we were pregnant and the drive to the hospital seemed like years. Once there, Dr. Reshef informed us that Hannah and I were both fine. Over the next 4 weeks pregnancy was MEAN to me.
By 10.5 weeks I had been hospitalized EIGHT times, lost 16.5 pounds and I had a PICC line put in for all of my food/water/nutrients to be put into. This took the pressure off of me to try to eat and a guarantee that my baby was getting what she needed. (picc line pic coming up...you were warned!)

In the next eight weeks I spent time at the hospital for various things from pregnancy and picc line complications.  At 18 weeks I was admitted for bilateral Mastitis.  Isn't that supposed to happen AFTER THE BABY IS BORN?!?! Leave it to me I know. At the time it was very hard to see God's plan or purpose for this pregnancy, but it's things like this that I look back on and think "thank you Jesus for your protection." You see it was then at 18 weeks laying in a dark hospital room miserable from pain that I started contracting every 3 minutes. At first I thought no, can't be.  Then I quickly called for help.  My OB/GYN quickly started fluids as fast as possible.  Through a PICC line they will go FAST!  4 bags later the contractions were down to about 15 minutes and I had to pee so bad I could hardly move.  =) Who knows what would have happened had I not already been there with my Dr.

At 24 weeks I was hospitalized again for "H1N1". I had a sudden onset of fever, chills, and "contractions". With as deadly as H1N1 had been to pregnant women and babies, they weren't about to let me leave the hospital.  My fever was so high none of the hospital thermometers could get it and my heart rate was higher than the baby's.  NOT GOOD!  They stuck me in isolation and started shoving tamiflu down my throat.  In the process they took the PICC line out since they weren't sure what was going on. After the night I was admitted nothing happened again.  No fever, no symptoms, just lots of sleeping.  On October 28th Dr. Lisa made her daily visit and told me that I was gonna go home, but to stay away from Rylee for a week.  Gee thanks.  (She wasn't allowed to come to the isolation room!) A few minutes later she came back in and said she was keeping me one more night.  dream.shattered.

In the early hours of October 29th my IV had messed up so I called my nurse. In the two minutes it took her to come in my body started shutting down. I don't remember very much from that night.  It has all been told to me.  They had Ryan call the family in and kicked him out of the room just as the rapid response team arrived.I remember the first one telling me his name and that he was from ICU and that's when I knew something was bad wrong.  As hard as a tried I could talk or nod. The last thing I remember is thinking poor Ryan is going to lose his wife and baby in the same night.  about 7 hours later I was informed that I had had a CAT scan, x-rays, heart tests and blood work and that results to some were still pending.  i was also informed that I had 3 new drs and that there was still and emergency team on stand by in case they had to deliver Hannah.  What???  I'm only 24 weeks.  she will never make it.  Later on we learned that I was septic and that my body was trying to fight a blood infection caused by my PICC line.  I was put on strong IV antibiotics as a precaution during my downfall and that is what was making me feel better.  Thank you  Lord for a christian Dr. who knows your will.  had I been home I would have died.(and after all tests came back it was proven that I never even had the flu, let alone H1N1!)

That was all of the drama for a while. Well, except for the daily vomiting, but by this point that was simply life.  We got Rylee's new bed ordered, Hannah's cradle out and set up, baby showers...you know the necessities.  At 33 weeks I told Ryan that we needed to go to the hospital.  He asked if I was contracting again and I said "Yes, but I'm not in labor.  I PROMISE I have a kidney stone and I can't take it anymore.  The pain is making me contract."  We went in and I told the nurse what was going on and she thought I had lost. my. mind. My urine didn't look bad and I was after all, still walking and functioning (you'd have thought by now they would have learned that not much slows me down.  It's a small hospital and ALMOST all of them knew me on a first name basis...BEFORE checking in) I found out that she didn't even tell the Dr that's what I thought was wrong. I told her and she ordered an ultra sound.  What do you ya know...low in the left kidney there was a stone.  Fantastic.  Now give me drugs and let me go home!!!

That seemed to be the end of all the crazy things that could happen to me. After the stone I only had my labor stopped two more times.  Nothing that most other women don't go through.  By this point I just wanted to be done.  The c-section was scheduled for Feb.6th and my only priority was keeping this baby in my belly until sometime after Rylee's 2nd birthday party. Party came and party went and I was quite proud that I had managed to do so. For those of you that forgot I was rather LARGE. OK, Hannah ready, set, come out!

Be careful what you wish for!!!!  On January 27th I got home from work about 9:00 at night and just didn't feel great.  Could it be?  Wait, if I go they will probably stop my labor.  Nope, not going.  Man, that makes a long night.  However, with the huge ice storm coming it could be the weather making me not feel good.  With Rylee already in bed it was time to just get in bed.  LONGEST. NIGHT. EVER.  I took some Tylenol PM and went to bed. Here's what I learned.  In active labor no matter what you take you will still wake up and hurt.  The "PM" in the tylenol just makes you too stupid to ever look at a clock.  (important when it comes to contractions)  The Dr. called the next morning to cancel my appointment for that day due to a lot of ice headed our way but some already here.  It was at that instant when I said "umm, I've been in labor all night" that my husband learned of my suffering.  oops.  We got to the hospital only to find out that I was dialating and contracting 4 minutes apart.  Off to the O.R. we were going...fast. Thankfully, once we saw that I was contracting that often we told everyone to head out because Dr. Lisa was waiting for NO ONE!  They arrived just in time to see me head on my way.  At 2:03 in the afternoon, weighing in at 6 lbs 4 ounces Hannah Renae was welcomed to the world with LOTS of tears. 

As I have spent the last few weeks thinking back on all we came through to get here it makes me realize Hannah has a real purpose in this world. I can't wait to see what will become of her. I'm excited to watch her chase her dreams and achieve her goals.  But for now I just enjoy watching her learn, explore, play, and sleep. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH RENAE!

saving mommy!

I have always liked loved coupons. I learned it at an early age.  My mom used to spend $150 a month to feed the four of us.  When I was fairly young and spending one of many weekends at Ann's she told me to pick out cereal and I asked what the coupon she had was for. (she promptly and sarcastically informed me she didn't use coupons.) I was born with it in my blood...it's what I do. Mom has joked more than once that I've passed her in my couponing craze.  So here's the dilemma...I WANT MORE!!! When we were just a mere family of three I was spending about $120 a WEEK on groceries.  Makes me mad now that I look back on it. When I had Hannah who came out with all kinds of expensive problems that you can't use coupons on (I guess Dr's don't like coupons) I tried very hard to cut back to $100 a week. It didn't always come out to that but hey I was "trying".  This year I've become so much more passionate about saving money.  So this week I joined the new mega couponing craze.  I think I did it pretty well for it being my first week. I checked blogs, compared sales, and made lists...as in more than one store.  First stop was homeland.  Let me lay it out for you. I spent $19 and saved $46.  woo hoo.  I got things like lunch meat for free!!! Shampoo and conditioner for $0.50 each can of soup for $0.13...the list goes on and on.  I continued my way through stores and sales and while I'm not stopping here I am pleased to tell you that I will feed our family of four breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks as well as the extra items that I stock piled at super low prices for only $80.  That's adding a person and taking off about $40 a week.  The best part of this is that ALL of the food that I purchased this week is HEALTHY. While I'm not satisfied with my overall total yet, I will pat myself on the back for a job well started!

And we're off!!!

I'm really excited to be starting my blog.  It's one of the many changes that New Years is bringing at the Foote house! Most of it will probably be about nothing at all but hey it's an outlet in this very busy life of mine. For 2011 I have set life altering goals.  Some won't be shared at all and some won't be shared until they are happening. I mean, where is the thrill of the unknown if I tell you all my secrets now?! For 2011 we are becoming the best of minimalists that we possibly can.  My goal is to reduce the volume of our house by 50%. Maybe that's a little steep and possibly unattainable but I won't stop until at least 30%! Less is more right?  I'm tired of my child(ren) thinking that everything is owed to them or that four letter "M" word (mine). This year will be about purging, giving away, and selling our "things".  At the tender age of three my daughter will be forced taught to pick out toys to give to kids that don't have any before they are allowed to get ANY of the toys the got for Christmas or birthdays out.  (I know it's rough!) The play room is overflowing and it breaks my heart to think that there are kids out there without any.  I love my girls and this year we will be learning to spend time together reading, playing, and having fun! Can't wait!!!!