Everything, and I do mean everything, seems all out of place. For the first time in a while I'm doing all online classes, which to a mom, means absolutely NO personal study time. Ryan is a full time student and has a full time job so glimpses of him are even rare. I've just been through one of the hardest loses ever. When my aunt died, I lost someone that I talked about everything with. (sometimes not by my choice. haha) So now I feel like on top of everything feeling out of place, something that always has been is gone.
Fast forward....of all things what's next? My work catches ON FIRE! Badly. They are saying that it could be months before we are back in. Of course, why not??? We are all making the best that we can out of all situations, but for now we are all displaced. We don't know when we will see each other or when we will be where or what's going to happen with the clinic.
For the most part, Ryan and I hand selected MOST of the above changes. When he got accepted into nursing school we knew that it would limit time between us. That in order for our kids to have some sense of what the word "HOME" meant we would have to sacrifice time with each other. We kept saying it's only 27 months. We can do this. Then in an effort to save money we decided for me to do as much as I can of school on-line. I strongly hate on-line classes but I so desperately want to get out of debt this year so why not? However, what I wasn't fully processing was how hard it would be to get some quality study time in. WOW! That's all I can say.
Now work, which was a great constant for me, is not that. I liked the girls that I was on shift with. I knew who would be there when I was there and I know the kind of people that they are. Not so much anymore. I will be at whatever clinic I can with whomever is supposed to be there. It's just all crazy to me. For the most part that's the extent of the "friend" time that I have right now. I don't have time to go anywhere or do anything with hardly anyone. So when will I see my friends again. Our days are messed up and I know some of us are going to different clinics. No one knows how long this will last.
I'm just ready for life to slow down. After Ann passed away and we were cleaning things out it made me realize how much stuff we have. Here's my plan... my goal is to get rid of 50% of the volume of our house. While this may not be fully achievable, I won't settle for less than 30%. I'm going to rent the smallest storage building available and as I pack boxes of stuff to get rid of they will be moved over there. For two reasons 1) to get it out of the way 2) so that we can't get things we "need" back out of it. I have given myself until the end of April to do this. Hard? YES! Possible? Absolutely!!!! I'm so excited!!! We can get the "stuff" out and take advantage of every moment possible! The start of summer is going to be a garage sale and the profits will yield some sort of family something. Haven't decided for sure yet, but I can promise this...it won't be shopping and it will be something that we can all do together.
In the chaos of everything, I feel like I just want my family time back! Here's to a better us and knowing that all of my "temporary total displacement" is just that....temporary!
The pursuit of TRUE happiness...that's what I am longing for, but not the kind that most would think of. We strive to live the simple life. I like old things, my kids play outside instead of on electronics, we eat dinner at home-not resturants (most of the time), and really value our family time!
Melissa, Dale and I had to struggle with personal time and together time. I worked nights and Dale worked days and I was in school full time. I understand how you feel with together time but it will be worth it when you are BOTH finished with school AND the kids have you both!!
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